ditulis ama temen dan dengan seijinnya saya forward ke temen2ku moga-moga jadi berkat buat kalian semua. To all readers of this page, good luck in your relationship. God bless.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.comp.nus.edu.sg/~stevenha/now_i_have_a_story_to_tell.html

Now I Have a Story to Tell

A biblical perspective of Christian dating - written by a beginner. :$ (General version, suitable for those who are already attached and those who are still single) Comments or suggestions: please email stevenhalim at gmail.com

1. Motivation

Let's go back to the beginnings...

Normally, every man needs a suitable helper. Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.". That was what God actually did, He created woman from man, from his rib, to be a suitable partner for him. If we look further, in another section of the Bible, we found: Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

2. If I am still single

You can argue that there exist man/woman who has the gift of celibacy (state of being unmarried), but I can say that usually man/woman doesn't has this gift of celibacy. 1 Cor 7:8-9: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (Read the whole 1 Cor 7:1-40 for more details).

Therefore, there exist a lot of possible temptations to sin for those who doesn't has the gift of celibacy, especially for men... Try to do self introspection here, since you are born until this day, have you ever fall into this kind of temptations? Men?s eyes are usually their weakest point in this issue (Sexual immorality) (1 Cor 6:12-20). There is also a lot of warnings against adultery in Proverbs (skim through Proverbs and you?ll find several pointers regarding this issue). Some of those who are single are actually living an ineffective life plus doing a list of not-good stuffs because they feel they are "incomplete"?

This is bad, because what God wants from each of us (single or those who already attached/married) are: Rome 12:1: Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God?this is your spiritual act of worship., faithful to Him, serve Him, and live your life to the fullest.

For singles, I can refer you a list of several important articles on how to live life to the fullest. Click the following links to view them, they are all written by Grace Suryani (glorianet.org) [High Quality Jomblo], [Be a Real Woman], [Mau Jadi Cantik Ah!], [Inikah Namanya Cinta?!], [Hidup tanpa Cinta], [Ketika Impian Sirna], [Proyek: ?Demi Masa Depan?], [Keping-keping Hati], [Girls Only].

The title of the last chapter of book: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is "Someday I will have a story tell". I hope, someday, you will be able to write your own story, love story, that you are proud to tell.

3. The ideal character: Godly man and woman

In a relationship, it will always be two sided... I'll start from man's point of view first. What kind of characteristic should a Godly man (husband) possess?

First of all, he should be faithful to God (his devotion, his ministry, etc). In my opinion, Christian ladies should look for man with this characteristic rather than his other characteristics...

He should love and protects his precious gift from God, her wife, including his family. (Colossians 3:19,21, Ephesians 5:22-33) This includes many things such as working hard for his family? etc

Compared to man's side, there exist a special passage for Godly Christian woman, it is in Proverbs 31:10-31, but please read them in context!, the main focus is in Proverbs 31:30. In summary:

She is submissive to her husband. God is number 1, her husband is number 2, and herself, her desires, her hobbies, etc, are number 3 onwards? (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22-33). The world didn?t teach this. What they said is woman and man should be equal (emancipation). I didn?t say emancipation is wrong, but there exist some circumstances where ladies should be submissive to her husband, to what extent? I think this should be discussed with her husband...

She kept her heart pure until the right one (Soldier of Christ) came, because it is her heart, herself, which is the greatest gift that she can offer to one and only one husband. I disagree with the world style of into short-term dating lifestyle (trial and error style)? refer to [Keping-keping Hati]

She admitted that she was an ordinary woman but willing to use whatever uniqueness she has to complements and be the best helper for her husband. A privilege that is often mistakenly thought by people in the world. They thought woman are 2nd class, man are 1st class. This is wrong.

She makes her husband keep praising God every time he sees her, because she is faithful, a good wife and a loving mother (for family with children).

4. Mistakes in (or before) a relationship

We often feel less worthy (incomplete) as a single. Symptoms: desperate, daily lamentations, Biblically: each of us is complete in Him, Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Rather than doing daily lamentations, make the most of your singleness!

We are possessive to our (candidate) life partner. Biblically: set your eyes on Him and surely your (candidate) life partner will love/honor/respect/etc you more.

We are dating for fun or to show others that we are worthy. Biblically: Healthy Christian dating complements each other to serve Him more.

Our (candidate) life partner is not balanced compared to us. Biblically: 2 Cor 6:14: ?Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness??. I consider this verse is not only regarding difference religion but talking about unbalanced level of faith / maturity too.

5. What to do during relationship (especially early phase):

Try to communicate well, try to get to know each other better (each own expectation). Read books on good communication skill (purposeful conversations). Man and woman think very differently...

Get to know his/her parents and family

Get to know his/her friends

Maintain purity for marriage

Do spiritual activities together, such as: quiet time, bible study, attend Christian events together, etc

Prepare (not avoid) for future conflicts! And if they come, try to resolve the conflict together...

In conclusion, let your (new) relationship be a good testimony for others that God is part of your relationship.

6. Till Death Do Us Part?

Read: [Sampai Maut Memisahkan Kita]

This is not about marriage vow... but to remind us that your current partner (if you are in a relationship now) is NOT yours, as we all have known, life is so fragile and God can call us (or our partner) back anytime.

Just be faithful to God. It is far better than worrying about tomorrow.

7. References:

My own version of this story

Felicia?s version of this story

Some input from friends and seniors

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris

Boys Meet Girls, Joshua Harris

COMPULSORY READING: Grace Suryani Liem articles related to relationship: http://www.glorianet.org/grace/arsip.html

To all readers of this page, good luck in your relationship. I hope your relationship can be a blessings to others :). God bless.